Why Do Couples Fight?

Tanya and Sachin just get married and Sachin asked Tanya, where should I take you for a honeymoon? On Tanya’s suggestion, they were in Rajasthan. Tanya was very happy. She was in one of the most colorful and vibrant states in the country. Sachin was showering his love and attention. Tanya thought these days should not end. On the last day of their honeymoon, she asked where are you going to take me next? Tanya was in the HR department and Sachin was a software engineer. They both had decent salaries. 

The honeymoon phase is blissful, carefree. Sachin and Tanya were just getting to know each other. Whatever Sachin use to do from eating to telling stories, Tanya found it charming. For Sachin, Tanya was beautiful and full of life. 

The honeymoon phase is well….a phase. It eventually ends, leaving both partners needing to adjust to a new reality.

I have read it somewhere that, “A long-term relationship starts to build when the honeymoon phase wanes out.”

Few common problems working couples face are:-

1. Division Of Responsibility

I am a housewife; a ‘home maker’ I would like to call myself. I wanted to study literature, take care of the house, children. My husband is in Marketing; needless to say, it comes with touring. In our marriage division of responsibility is simple. 

You must have noticed even when both the partners are working; the woman is usually the one who does more the housework. Housework not only includes daily chores but also includes children’s doctor’s appointments, children’s extracurricular activities, etc. Obviously, this creates more stress.

When Sachin and Tanya had their first child, it was their understanding that the workload would be shared. It’s not only the mother’s responsibility to take care of the child. Sachin and Tanya planned everything tactfully. After the baby arrived, Tanya found herself taking more responsibilities. 

The division of domestic responsibilities has become a major source of marital conflict. The solution to most conflicts is to get organized and sensitive. 

2. Finance

Financial stress can impact your marriage. The pandemic is causing severe financial stress for millions. If couples talk about some financial problem without resolving it, then there will be bitterness in the relationship.

In marriage, one partner can be spend thrift and the other can be calculative. It’s the couple's responsibility to come to an understanding of managing the monthly budget. Budgeting and prioritizing are a must. 

3. Expectations

Expectations mean suppositions, assumptions, and presumptions. In a married couple, one partner expects or he/she assumes that their partner is a mind reader. There can be differences of opinions over vacation, lifestyle, choices, budget, etc. 

The best solution is the reach the middle ground. This wisdom does not come organically. It takes practice and effort. Life’s biggest tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. 

4. Time Management

After the honeymoon, comes the hard reality of life. You have 24 hours in your hand. How do you allocate time to yourself, friends, hobbies, family, and the latest addition to your life – your spouse? 

It’s not very difficult as it sounds. If both the partners are equally managing the house chores, maintaining constructive hobbies, spending time with a partner, listen to each other attentively, then that’s it. You don’t have to keep on calling each other in the middle of the work or spend all day gawking at each other. 

5. When One Parent Undermines The Other

“Mom says, come on beta it’s your bedtime. When he starts to get up, that’s when dad says come on it’s Friday, he can stay up a bit late.”

You have just been undermined. It is really frustrating when one parent steps on others' toes. Luckily there is a solution for this. Parents should have a conversation away from kids and discuss the teamwork process. Once the parents are on the same page, they can apply the parenting approach together. 

Couples who fight often are most likely stronger than couples who don’t. But it’s not the fighting that makes them stronger. It’s what takes place after fighting; the making up. It’s coming to the realization that your relationship is more important than your differences. 

It involves the act of forgiveness and acceptance of one’s mistake. You fight and you learn something new about the person. That's how it is.

“Real relationships aren’t perfect and perfect relationships aren’t real.”