Why Do People Divorce After 20 Years Of Marriage?
Divorces are now increasing day by day as compared to last decades. Especially when couples reach a stage where their children are grown up and have left their parents for their carriers. This is the time when we see that a couple who has been living together for decades and seems to have no difficulty in their relationship is suddenly taking such a big decision of divorce. After all what went wrong so disastrously that they are going to be separated at a stage when they need each other even more likely. There could be many reasons behind that let us discuss some of those in detail.
1. Cracks Were Already There
In most of the cases, love and affection were already less existent. Abusive behaviour of a spouse might be one of the reasons. Couples may be living together for the sake of their children. Once children get settled in their carrier and married life, couples decide to leave each other because the last thing which was holding them together that is their children are no more living with them now.
Usually, when children are living with their parents, parents are busy earning their livelihood and trying to secure their own and their kid’s future. Other than that the most important reason could be that the couples are aware of the fact that their separation at that moment may break their children’s confidence. So for children, they keep on avoiding their own relation, priorities and each other’s behaviour.
Solution (Change Vision)
It is not easy to find someone new at this age for lifetime support. Options like tinder and other social meeting platforms can’t give stability especially at this stage of life. So in spite of personal expectations of relationship one should think of making the rest of their life fruitful from other aspects. Since now we are free from our children’s responsibility, we should look for what we can do for others, for our inner stability and satisfaction. Imagine a man or a woman of 45 sitting at a restaurant waiting for someone to date. It is difficult to judge a new person in one or two meetings if we could not handle our last relationship that lasted for a few decades. This is the time we should utilize to achieve the goals left behind in other aspects of life.
It is observed in many cases that interference becomes the reason of separation between couples. When children are growing up, couples are busy in their respective duties. Husbands are mostly busy in earning for the household and other needs whereas wives are busy in fulfilment of children’s day to day needs.
Now when children are not there with them, couples start to interfere in each other’s pursuit. Husbands start interfering in kitchen or wife’s other work and similarly, wives start giving unwanted advice to their husbands in their job or business. Sudden interference starts irritating both of them. One feels that why another person is interfering in my work area and other thinks how inappropriately he/she held their duty throughout life. Regular conflicts of such type lead to divorces.
Solution (Maintain Proper Space)
Both have expertise in their own field as he/she has been working on it for decades, so both need to respect it. If we have some better idea then we should not impose it on the other person rather we should discuss it in a polite manner. With this kind of behaviour, we can share ideas, discuss and implement as needed and that too without any conflict.
One of the most common reasons for divorce is a lack of trust or having doubt on your spouse. No explanations on late night return from office, frequent phone calls received from or calls made to the unknown number are common examples of trust issues.
Until such extramarital relations are hidden, marriages keep on working but once such extramarital relations are disclosed marriages break. Involvement of the third person can never be tolerable.
Solution (Hard Decision Need To Be Taken)
Recommended solution in such situations is to ensure that we keep our trust alive which is only possible if we do not indulge in extramarital relations. Regular communication is the key to a strong relationship. The best solution to this problem is to be ethical in life.
4. Change Of Circumstances
In young age, things are not much difficult. One has enough physical strength to work more and handle more responsibility. But this physical strength goes down with age, diseases and financial slow down may make growing age more difficult. This is the time when one needs his/her spouse’s support but it may not work successfully as it was working at a young age. Change in circumstances may also change the behaviour of our spouse. But this kind of divorce is unacceptable from an ethical/moral standpoint.
Solution (Be Human)
We need to take preventive measures rather than getting into these kinds of situations and then looking for a solution. We should take into consideration human and moral values irrespective of different financial and health-related circumstances.
5. Hidden Addictions
At times hidden addictions of spouse become so irritating that their partner decides to take divorce. Many hidden addictions have been observed like excessive consumption of alcohol, smoking, sex, gambling and stealing etc. Most of the times spouse tries to make a comeback for a life partner but when one does not care about his/her loving one then for how long others can tolerate? It is very difficult for a person to see his/her love is going to end their life in such a ridiculous manner.
Solution (Setting Small Goals)
Hidden addictions are not easy to get rid of. If one decides to quit these kinds of additions, he/she can start setting with small goals. Consumption of alcohol, smoking or other abused substance can be reduced gradually. Finally, with strong will power, one can get rid of these things completely. It not only saves the life of the addict but also gives satisfaction to the spouse.
In married life two things are very important; one is the loyalty of spouse and second is respect and proper space for each other. Marriage is a relationship meant to stand for each other in all phases of life irrespective of ups and downs.